"The Hills": An Easily Forgettable Season Finale (ScreenThug.Com)

"The Hills": An Easily Forgettable Season Finale

It is 12:25 a.m. on Wednesday, and I have only now, two empty boxes of Kleenex and approximately two gallons of tears later, come to grips with my emotions regarding the dreadful season finale of The Hills. The whole week I was so excited to kick back on my couch and soak in thirty minutes of pure drama which I had prayed would include some sort of hair pulling, nail clawing, or make-up throwing to cap off another exciting season. What I got was an episode that was almost unbearable to watch and lacked any issues any typical good season finale would contain.

The main issue: whether Heidi finally moves in with Spencer. Who gives a crap anymore about where Heidi is going to live? For all I care, she could live under her desk at her job (where she should have been fired from a while ago) or in the back of her car. How can Heidi truly believe that once she moves in with Spencer, he will stop his natural “player” attitude. He will not stop being sleazy and anyone with an IQ below 50 could figure that out. In one part of this episode, Spencer admits he has two cell phones: one for the homeboys and one for the girl. Is that a joke? Spencer has just lowered his lameness to “the guy who hits on high school freshman girls hoping to score” status.

I can’t just blame Spencer. Heidi deserves everything that comes to her. She gets all this advice from her co-workers about how she shouldn’t live with him, but then she goes ahead and moves in with him. Then again, how can she take advice from a fellow co-worker who asked,“What is the thing you cook spaghetti in? Oh yeah, a pot.” Um, this woman needs to be fired immediately and forced to go back to nursery school where she can learn about what pots are and what they are used for. It was a tight race but that comment wins the award for “Most Retarded Statement of the Season.” Seriously, I would love to see the test results from a brain scan on this woman. I would be willing to bet my life savings (a bag of pennies) that her brain would show some signs of atrophy. I think the worst case scenario would be that her brain shows no abnormalities, which then would mean that she is just naturally a moron and doesn’t have any medical problems to explain her stupidity. I know, personally, I would much rather be able to blame my lack of common sense on some sort of uncontrollable medical problem rather than just accept the fact that I have the brain capacity of a dead moth.

On a happier note, Lauren now had Audrina as her new roommate. This twosome could make any man fantasize about certain “what if” scenarios. “What if they both got drunk and decided to kiss each other to see what its like?” or “What if they had a very limited hot water supply so they decided to shower together and help each other soap up?” I don’t want to let my mind run too wild here, but with two gorgeous roommates living in such close proximity, something naughty is bound to happen, or so I hope.

This season finale was dreadful. There is no nicer way to say it, other than just coming right out and stating the obvious. I enjoyed The Hills Aftershow even more than the actual episode because, at least there, I learned Lauren doesn’t have an exclusive boyfriend (“So you’re saying there’s a chance”). The girl has both the brains and the looks, so bottom line, she is the total package. I can only hope that she doesn’t continue to fall for total douche bags and meets a well-rounded guy (Lauren, if you are reading this and are accepting resumes, let me know, I’ll fax mine your way). Anyway, I hope that there will be a third season but that the producers won’t make the mistake of airing a season finale like this one, which stunk worse than fresh Canadian goose diarrhea on the bottom of my shoe.

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Posted on April 4, 2007 12:30 AM | Permalink

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