"Pimp My Ride": The Usual Suspects (ScreenThug.Com)

"Pimp My Ride": The Usual Suspects

After watching a "Pimp My Ride" marathon this weekend, this list seemed necessary. Below are the 5 basic types of people who are "officially pimped" by Xzibit.

“The Virgin”

Type of Car: 1988 Daihatsu Hi-Jet

What He Wants in His Car
- An iBook computer
- An ironing board
- A leopard skin backseat (just in case).

Reaction to Xzibit Knocking on His Front Door: Embarrasses himself with a thuggish handshake. To make up for it, he impresses Xzibit with words from his emergency slang dictionary. He then yells into the house, “Mom I’m leaving - - No he’s not a drug dealer.”

What He Will Use the Car For:
To cruise for babes on Sunset Boulevard while blasting Milli Vanilli from his “off the chain” sound system.

“The Poser”

Type of Car: 1991 Isuzu Pick-Up

What He Wants in His Car
- A Nintendo Virtual Boy
- A stack of Hentai (Asian Cartoon Porn)
- A glow stick dispenser

Reaction to Xzibit Knocking on His Front Door: Covers his mouth with his left hand as he shouts “OHHHH” and “SNAP.” With his other hand, he flashes threatening gang signs.

What He Will Use the Car For:
To drive to gang meetings at his friend’s house. These usually end in a sweaty game of the original “Sonic the Hedgehog” on Sega Genesis.

“The Fat Guy”

Type of Car: 1984 Cadillac El Dorado

What He Wants in His Car
- A deep fryer

Reaction to Xzibit Knocking on His Front Door:
Rips off his shirt, revealing an abundance of fat rolls and stretch marks on his stomach. Proceeds to shock Xzibit with a dance rampage that ends with his disturbing rendition of “the worm” across the front lawn.

What He Will Use the Car For:
To open a hamburger stand out of the trunk of his car. This business will quickly fail after he eats all his inventory.

“The Mall Rat”

Type of Car: 1990 Toyota Celica

What She Wants in Her Car
- Mirrors on the windshield
- A “bake it yourself” Barbie oven
- A walk-in closet

Reaction to Xzibit Knocking on Her Front Door:
“Why is there a black man on my porch….DAD, CALL THE COPS!”

What She Will Use the Car For:
Duhhhh…to go to the mall.

“The Clueless Guy”

Type of Car 1977 Chevy Malibu

What He Wants in His Car:
- A 20’’ Monitor for Reading Rainbow reruns
- Legos
- Copy of Good Night Moon

Reaction to Xzibit Knocking on His Front Door:
Confused, he looks at the camera crew. “Are you going to bring my car back?”

What He Will Use the Car For:
Shelter, since he gets locked out of his house every night.

Posted on April 9, 2007 7:13 AM | Permalink

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